Why Hollywood Relationships Don't Last
All relationships in Hollywood work from a unspoken contract that basically says if two people are single and happy being single then they can be together as long as they aren't having any problems with their other halves.
A woman can't complain to a man about how her mother is treating her or how her sister-in-law is doing her hair and if she is really unhappy she will put in place the cutest marriage proposal that has ever happened. Her man will probably try to do something for his lady, but it will never be "all about her."
This is what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy and the female is either completely satisfied with her life, or she doesn't trust a man to make a major decision in her life.
There is an immense difference between wanting a relationship and being in a relationship that is all about her.
This is the basic blueprint of how Hollywood relationships function. A couple who is free to be themselves and who takes the time to appreciate their relationships are a great example of the relationship that the world should strive for.
I can't count how many times I heard women in Hollywood ask me what is wrong with my husband, who then makes the excuse, "Oh that's just Hollywood."
In order for a couple to be in a healthy, thriving relationship, they have to set healthy boundaries from the beginning.
When I was dating my husband I became very clear with him that I did not want any type of relationship with another woman. He on the other hand was unwilling to come to this understanding with me.
I still get stressed out about my best friend texting him pictures of her chest but after almost 11 years of being together he has learned to reign it in.
We have two children and if you put your boundaries out for your spouse and they decide not to respect them, then you are at a point in your relationship where you need to make some decisions about whether it is working for the both of you.
1. A good relationship does not "balance" the other person
Although these Hollywood relationships seem perfect on the outside, there is a lack of balance.
If there is no balance in a relationship, then there is always a pressure to be "more" for the other person and also to fulfill the needs of your partner.
There are two people in the relationship. Each person should want the other person to be happy and fulfill their needs.
You should want to make them feel better about themselves so they feel like they have accomplished something.
If you don't make your partner feel better about themselves, then you should ask yourself, "What am I doing that makes them so unhappy?" If you are constantly trying to make them happy or pleasing them, you are likely missing out on the real enjoyment of your relationship.
2. A good relationship is all about compromise
One of the main things I have learned about relationships is that the best relationships are not the most rational, they are the ones that work for both people.
I have always admired my husband because he has always listened to my opinions and desires and we have worked together to make our relationship the best it can be.
He has gotten rid of many of my favorite things and I am very thankful that he has also listened to me when I was upset. He knew that in my marriage I needed something different and he listened.
I am grateful for a man who understands that sometimes things need to change and that they are worth it.
I am also very grateful that when I was getting ready to leave him he didn't throw all of my things out of the car and tell me to "think of my feelings."
3. A good relationship is all about self-respect
When you are in a relationship with someone, you should be proud of yourself and of your accomplishments. Instead of trying to make your partner feel better about themselves, feel proud of yourself.
Compliments can really make someone feel better about themselves. I tell my husband he is a great catch everyday and I want him to know that I am proud of him.
One of the best compliments he gives me is when he tells me that he loves me. I feel so good when he says this.
Most women spend a lot of time trying to make someone else feel better about themselves. In my marriage I have learned that it is about being happy for each other and to share in each other's joy.
4. A good relationship is about communication
Communication is so important. If you have a good, healthy relationship, then you should be able to communicate with each other about everything.
It is about speaking out about what you want and getting feedback from your partner and not shutting down when your partner doesn't agree with you.
It is also important to tell your partner when you need space to think and clear your head. My husband and I are the type of couple that we feel comfortable just giving each other space.
We have always been able to work through our issues and never end up hating each other.
5. A good relationship is about love
I like to tell my students that love is not a feeling, it is a choice. I believe that love is when you make yourself happy and choose your partner over others.
I always tell my students that the love that they give is not that one person but to everyone who they are in their lives with. Your love should spread joy and happiness to all those around you.
Love to me is not just words but actions and being there for the people you love.
It is very easy to get caught up in your emotions and to feel isolated and alone when you are in a relationship.
A relationship does not need to be perfect but it does need to be a partnership. It needs to be about making your partner feel happy and whole in their heart.
It should not just be about you but about them. It can be about marriage, children, a home, and friends. I believe that a successful, long-lasting marriage takes work.
It is not a fairy-tale. It is hard, it is work and it is long.
But, when you find someone that makes you feel so happy in your heart and soul, you will always feel so happy and look forward to coming home to them.
Teresa Howard is an author of inspirational, faith-based, mystery/thriller novels.